Rough Day
I couldn’t believe my luck when I saw him wander through the alley below. Fading light from a tired sun cast long, deep shadows as the man paused to readjust the two huge packs in his arms. I wondered briefly what he had and where he was going, but all interest in the bundles vanished when I saw the stone fall to the ground. It pulsed dimly, blurring my vision so I couldn’t quite focus on its smooth surface. It held magic, no doubt, but how much?
The man didn’t notice as he continued lumbering forward, seemingly oblivious to his own danger. He’d likely be dead within a few minutes, but not by my hand. My interest lay on the cobblestones below.
I looked over at the woman, sleeping in her own bed, and realized I didn’t know her name. Nor did I care to. A couple of roaches scurried up the wall near her head. I laughed silently at the thought of one of them rushing into her partially open mouth. It would serve her right for the way she responded to me the night before. She was more interested in pleasing herself than me, and that’s not something I tolerate well. I got dressed as quickly as I could, being careful not to wake her. No need to invite competition, and after the previous night, regardless of her selfishness, I knew she was athletic enough to cause trouble. All I needed to do was slip down the stairs, into the alley, retrieve the stone, and reap the reward. Couldn’t be easier.
Unless…. I looked one final time to make sure of the stone’s location, just in time to see someone else pick it up. He had obviously been stalking the first idiot, and noticed the stone fall. I raced down, cursing the creaking steps, hoping this new stranger hadn’t heard, and eased into one of the dark pools of shadow. The stone rested on the man’s open palm as he grinned skyward. From this distance, it reeked of magic, probably full, and I could tell by the idiot’s expression he wanted to use it now.
I understood the urge, use it or lose it; after all, so many things could go wrong when you held onto an asset. I silently chuckled to myself as I realized I’d soon be one of those wrong things.
I slipped from shadow to shadow, quickly, knowing I had only a matter of seconds before the fool wasted my find. My pulse quickened when I saw the stone glow. Not only did it mean we were seconds away from activation, but the ruddy, brown light it emitted also spoke of its value. This wasn’t a quick use, rapid recharge pebble, it held strong, slow magic.
And then, illuminated in garish hues of orange and ochre, I saw the man’s face and grimaced. I knew him. The moron lived near me in Eldane. Always helping me fix this and fix that, even cooked dinner one night for me and … crap, I can’t remember her name right now. Oh well, tough break. Maybe, if he survived, he would learn a lesson about standing in alleys.
I tossed a worthless rock over his head and waited patiently for it to land, hoping the magic would remain intact for a few more seconds. It did, and as expected, when the rock landed with a thud, he jumped and turned to see. I wasted no time, and nearly broke his neck when I hit him over the back of the head. He crumpled like some puppet having it’s strings cut, and the stone fell dark. I waited a moment longer, just in case, by some miracle, he got up. I could hear him breathing, but he wasn’t moving, so I tossed the bloody brick aside, and retrieved my prize.
I didn’t make the same mistake as my fool neighbor. I ran. And I didn’t stop until I got home. If someone did follow me, they’d be in for a few surprises when they entered my place.
I laid down on the bed and imagined all I could gain for myself with a stone full of slow magic. Then I felt it again, buzzing in the back of my head like a bee trapped inside my own skull, that incessant niggling reminding me of my need to tremble. I’d already put it off for weeks, but the sound tonight let me know if I delayed any longer, I would spin. I briefly considered whether or not the entire stone episode was a halluciantion, but it persisted in my hand, and I knew I had to hide it and leave Grisdane.
I hated to tremble, not because it hurt or cost me anything. I hated it because, with all of my heart and soul, I hated being good.
********
The stone nestled into the crevice nicely. I’ve used the same hiding spot for years, with nothing ever missing, so it should be safe until I return. I wanted to take it, to keep it by my side at all times, but there’s no telling how I would waste it in Eldane. History stank with stories of others trying to save treasures like mine, only to have it wasted by an ill-timed tremble.
When I trembled from Eldane, I voluntarily shackled myself to a transfer post … for the safety of others … what an idiotic thought! There were no transfer posts in Grisdane, just the simple truth that I had to get out for my own safety. I can more than handle myself in a fight, but he would just as likely not fight out of fear of hurting someone. The trek to the gate had me constantly looking over my shoulder with regret and anger. My hatred for all things El flamed higher with each step. I wanted desperately to return home, and I couldn’t. The indescribable frustration of being forced, by one’s own body, to tremble caused me to howl with rage at the dark night sky.
And the sky answered with rain–cold, icy, bitter rain. The walk across wouldn’t take long, but I lost my only jacket in a fight the night before. I shivered, feeling the anger melt into resignation as I looked backward once more at the city I desired and sighed deeply.
Maybe I could convince myself to retremble, I thought. If I did, I’d be home in less than an hour! And then I laughed, knowing I’d harbored the exact same delusional dream all of my adult life. “Not going to happen,” I said out loud.
I didn’t expect an answer, even though others were making the same painful trek. They hated it as much as me, but at least they weren’t Des’rah’lo like me. For the blessed Des’rah’li, trembling happened like clockwork, once a month, once every few weeks, the frequency varied, but what mattered the most was they could plan for it. I suppose they represent the backbone of both societies, Gris and El, while my kind, those with some volition in the matter, at least about the timing, are considered freaks. After all, I could often go four or five months before nature forced me to make this horrible decision before me tonight.
“What’s not going to happen?” asked an incredibly beautiful red head, who apparently left the city right after me. Her long hair lay plastered across her face and down the front of her shirt. And what a nice shirt it was! I looked her up and down, admiring the way the rain glued the cloth to her ample chest, and knew I wanted her. But I also knew I didn’t have time. If I didn’t reach the great white way within a few minutes, I would literally go insane. I’d risk a lot for a body like hers, but not my mind.
“Some miracle to keep me out of Eldane,” I replied, forcing my eyes away from her chest and toward Eldane. I had to keep going–marching onward toward my temporary bout with mental corruption.
“Whatever,” she muttered. “It’s not like you can fight it anyway.”
That’s what you think! I said to myself, thinking about how I’d already fought it for a month. But tell her that, and I’d be discovered. That was even worse than what lay ahead.
“Got a place to stay in Eldane,” I threw the words over my shoulder as I kept walking.
“Screw you,” she said, and she actually spat at me. I laughed at the thought of grabbing her red hair and teaching her a lesson. Maybe I did have enough time. NO! I knew better and forced myself to keep going.
We walked in silence, several yards apart, for the next five minutes until the Eltris came into sight. I called out one final time, “Last chance for a real man.”
The red head sprinted up beside me and smiled. Maybe something would go right tonight, other than finding the stone, that is. “Real man, huh?” she said as she licked her lips. They were luscious and full, and I could feel my willingness to risk it all growing.
“Guaranteed to satisfy,” I boasted as I moved closer.
I didn’t see it coming, even though I should have. She leaned in for a kiss, and I could almost taste those lips, when she suddenly slammed her knee into my precious privates. I saw her read hair bouncing as she sprinted away. I would have killed her on the spot, if I hadn’t been lying on the ground in agony.
Somehow through my distorted, pain-wracked vision, I saw her reach the Eltris with it’s broad expanse of flat, white stones, and step over the threshold. She took two steps and turned around to look at me. I could hear the nauseating change in her voice as she asked, “Are you okay? I’m so sorry.”
And the worst part of it all is I know she meant it.
********
I crawled the rest of the way, cursing the redhead with every move.
“Shut up!” I yelled as she urged me forward.
“You can make it,” she said with a smile that made me want to kick her teeth in. “You know you’ll feel better when you reach the Eltris.”
She was right about that. Minor wounds and most aches and pains tended to get better as soon as you touched the white stone. But everyone knew that wasn’t worth what it did to your mind. I held my breath and reached for the cursed rock and timed my tremble so it would appear to happen at first touch. For the Des’rah’li, if trembling didn’t occur on the walk to Eldane, then it was triggered as soon as they touched the Eltris. But for me, I had to choose exactly when to tremble. That’s what makes it so horrible, I have to choose to inflict this state of mind on myself. It’s like voluntarily drowning every few months.
Oh Serato! I could feel it happening. The longer I refrained from trembling, the greater the contrast when I did. Perhaps for the redhead, it was nothing more than a fleeting uneasiness. But for me, these few seconds lasted lifetimes. Like a wave of sickness corrupting every joint in my body, it swept outward from some inner sanctum. Physical pain paled in comparison to the sure knowledge of an alien mentality devouring my body and mind.
And then it ended.
I lay on the smooth, cool surface, and breathed deeply as pellets of sleet hit my skin. What an incredible sensation! Not that I liked the cold, at least not all the time, but being exposed to the elements brought a deep sense of gratitude knowing a crackling fire and soft bed awaited. I closed my eyes and felt the subtle connection with life in the beautiful city of Eldane.
“My name is Linso,” said a gentle, caring voice. I opened my eyes to see the most incredibly beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes upon. The sleet settling onto her red hair sparkled like diamond dust, and I knew I wanted to talk with her more.
“Safra,” I said as I slowly came to my feet.
She let me lean on her shoulder as we walked into Eldane, “I’m really sorry for the kick. That was rough even for Linsogris.”
I chuckled and felt my strength returning. “Well, believe me, I deserved it. If you knew what I was thinking at the time, you would have kicked me twice.” Linso blushed a shade of red that nearly matched her hair.
We talked until the temple came in view, then we fell into silence. Safragris’ awful behavior, my awful behavior, over the last few months began to rush through my mind. I remembered the lies, the selfishness, how many people I had taken advantage of, the feel of a man’s skull cracking under the brick in my hand … crushing guilt washed over me in waves. How could I have done those things? Tears streaming down Linso’s face resonated with my own breaking heart. I felt bad for her. I felt bad for everyone who had to put up with me as Safragris.
We reached the base of the temple and paused briefly to look upward. Steps rose high above the street to a broad veranda encircling the whole structure. Tall, slender columns supported a dome overhead and served to funnel people toward the various entrances. Like water soaking into a dry towel, the pain inside spread outward saturating every part of my being with sorrow as I ascended the wide steps. The only hope that kept me moving was the knowledge of Contrition and the relief it offered.
Once inside, the true beauty of the building became apparent. Intricate and brightly colored frescoes that had never experienced neglect or abuse adorned the walls. A series of incredibly long and slender tapestries gave a visual history of the city from its founding millennia earlier to more recent expansion along the coast. We merged with the growing crowd and entered the temple. I glanced at several side rooms used for instruction and private meditation, remembering hours of instrospection spent in several, but tonight the central sanctuary beckoned with the promise of peace.
Linso tugged at my arm as we entered the largest room of the temple. An elaborate, vine covered trellis ran the circumference of the room and then wound its way upward near the arched ceiling. The vine’s white and blue flowers filled the air with a natural perfume that calmed the soul. Kneeling pads with arm rests were arranged concentrically around a raised dais in the center. I followed my new friend as she directed us to an open pair where we could pray together.
I fell to my knees, hating my past and desperately wanting an absolution I knew I didn’t deserve.
